Get to Know Your SEC Football Players

In a never-ending quest to seek as much information as my brain can store, it's time to get to know a little bit more (or just anything at all) about one of the Southeastern Conference's football players. Now when this player succeeds, massively fails or is shown milling around in the background of a TV shot, you'll know that his greatest off-the-field accomplishment involves the sale and transportation of hobos. Or something like that.

Today's number from Random.org: 6
Today's team: Tennessee


#6 Denarius Moore, WR, Tennessee

Some background information: An infinitely more exciting profile this week as Denarius actually sees the field while standing on it and not from the sidelines. Denarius lead Tennessee's receivers last year with seven touchdown receptions and was second on the team in yards per reception with 13.5. A former high school sprinter, the speedy Moore figures to be one of the Vols top offensive threats on a team that won't have many threats. And if Tennessee finds a quarterback that can competently throw forward passes in a D-I game, one would assume Moore will be targeted often.

Greatest on-field accomplishment: In 2008, he caught a 63-yard touchdown pass from Jonathan Crompton against Kentucky, which was the longest pass play of the season. Also needed to be listed: running routes for three years for passes that had very little chance of being completed.

Greatest off-the-field accomplishment: Without question his dance duet with Gerald Jones (1:55 mark). Ladies of Knoxville drinking and dancing establishments, you CANNOT RESIST THE COORDINATED SLOW DANCE CHARM OF JONES AND MOORE.

Way(s) in which he has embarrassed himself, his family, team and school: Interestingly enough, the dance duet also falls into this category. I need to see more shoulder action if you want to be taken seriously.

Strengths: Speed, boldness (he did agree to do the dance on camera), Twitter page, $ Da Franchise $ and outlasted Ed Orgeron.

Weaknesses: Unsure what accurate passes look like, spent a year with Lane Kiffin and Ed Orgeron, Tyler Bray, younger Simms and any other Tennessee quarterback.

What to expect in 2010: Lots of shots of a frustrated Moore on the sidelines after another pass has sailed over his head or fallen at his feet. Last year he caught 40 passes for 540 yards and anything more than that this year would be hard to believe. So yes, that does mean Tennessee actually downgraded at quarterback from the 2009 season to the upcoming 2010 season.

Around the SEC: What Didn't Happen Over the Weekend

John Brantley's awesomeness makes everyone forget about the guy who will not play at Florida next year.
Now that's just silly. Of course that didn't happen. The good news for Florida fans concerned about next year is that Brantley played well enough in the spring game that Tebow's name wasn't mentioned until the middle of the second sentence in this ESPN article. Usually an ESPN article about Florida mentions Tebow within the first five words or at the very least has the first sentence constructed around him. It's also followed by a statement of fondness from Urban Meyer.

Even though Tebow was mentioned twice in three sentences to start the spring game recap, the statement of fondness from Meyer was about Brantley and not a quarterback who doesn't play for Florida anymore. So nice job there, John Brantley. Maybe by your senior year these articles will only mention Tebow at the end.

Nick Saban declares his offense to be a "shitstorm" of inefficiency and stupidity.
Believe it or not, Saban actually praised his offense saying, "I feel really good about the way we're going on offense." He mentioned strong quarterback play and an improved passing game just moments before he ran out of his allotted compliments for the day and unleashed a verbal assault on a pylon that was clearly not set at the proper 90 degree angle. A student manager was later made to run a gauntlet in which he was beaten with pylons.

Georgia's quarterbacks erase all memories of the Joe Cox era.
Unfortunately for Georgia fans, the thrilling 17-7 spring game probably had them wishing for a return of the Ginger Ninja. When your offense can't score more than 17 points in a spring game, there are issues that warrant discussion. Mainly which of the three underwhelming quarterbacks seems to be the least underwhelming. Right now, that distinction might go to Zach Mettenberger, who lit up the Bulldogs defense for 150 yards and two TDs on 6 of 10 passing. Unfortunately for young Zach, he will not be the starter on opening day thanks to an arrest for charges related to underage drinking over spring break at a bar called Flip Flops, which, amazingly, is not at the beach but in scenic south Georgia. Mark Richt's other choices for quarterback include Logan Gray, Aaron Murray, a broom with a cracked handle and an old office fan he found while cleaning out a storage room.

Derek Dooley finally puts a plug in the giant leak of attrition.
Well, not quite. One more got away when quarterback Nick Stephens decided he'd take his less-than-average skills to another school in hopes to see the field for an entire season. Stephens joins running back Bryce Brown and offensive lineman Aaron Brown in the group that decided they'd just rather not play for some guy from Louisiana Tech. If you recall, Stephens was locked in a battle with Jonathan Crompton in 2008 to see who could lead Phil Fulmer's offense from putrid to awful during the season. After losing that battle, Stephens spent most of his remaining time with the Vols on the sidelines. With the defection, Dooley loses a quarterback who went 3 of 9 for 6 yards in the first spring scrimmage.

The Ole Miss offense finds third gear.
Even though that didn't happen, they did apparently find second gear during Saturday's scrimmage, which is a solid improvement over cruising around at eight miles-an-hour. Quarterback Nathan Stanley still found a way to throw it to the defense twice, but also pulled three touchdown passes out of nowhere. This is good news for those of us concerned that Ole Miss is going to struggle to win six games. Now I have full confidence in six and a half wins. But, whatever happens, surely we won't trot out another quarterback who throws 20 interceptions in a single season. Right? I think that's not too much to ask.

Chris Relf and Tyler Russell make Dan Mullen's choice easy.
The pair of quarterbacks has refused to become individuals, instead each insists on not excelling but not really falling behind the other, leaving Dan Mullen with no real choice at quarterback. Next Saturday's spring game will be a big test for both Relf and Russell to determine which one has the lead at the position headed into the fall. And it's a test where the best grade will be a B-minus.

Vanderbilt's spring game more exciting than Georgia's.
In a spring game that was right in Sylvester Croom's wheelhouse, one of Vandy's teams beat the other by scoring on the last play of the scrimmage, which was the only touchdown of the game. I don't know if it was actually the last play according to the time remaining or if the coaches just wanted to shut it down on a positive note (and the only positive note). Looks to be another exciting year in Nashville.

And finally, just so we all know what he looks like, here is a picture of Joker Phillips:

1st Annual Green Jacket Money Maker

Augusta, Georgia - Of course Steve Spurrier wasn't happy, but in the end he got the win he wanted. Spurrier survived the early push, then collapse, followed by a slight resurgence and one last collapse by Houston Nutt to win the first annual SEC Coaches Green Jacket Money Maker held at the Augusta National Golf Club. The event, designed to raise money to help raise awareness as to just how awesome the Southeastern Conference is, was created by SEC Commissioner Mike Slive.

"We couldn't be more thrilled with how successful this event was," Slive said. "We helped raise a lot of money and gave the fans something to be interested in while waiting for football season to start. And with the money we made today, even more of the country will know of our commitment to domination, including those who don't care about sports. I can't wait for next year, and I know Steve can't either."

Spurrier lead from start to finish despite changing his caddy every three holes. "I just thought I wasn't getting the reads and yardage I needed in order to win this thing, so I made some changes. I felt like I had to do it. There can't be any guessing in this sport. Either you know it or I'll find someone else who does," he said. When asked if he thought he held an advantage over the other coaches because of his membership at Augusta, he said, "Nah, I don't get to come out and hit it around as much as I'd like. I've been to busy figuring out who's going to start at quarterback in the fall. Lots of choices, none of them that great."

Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt seemed poised to give the heavily favored Spurrier a good challenge with an outstanding front nine. He went through the first six holes with three eagles and three birdies, but after making the turn things began to fall apart. Five straight double bogeys nearly ended his chances until back-to-back birdies on 16 and 17 gave him a chance heading into 18. Unfortunately for Nutt, he exploded for with 12 on the final hole, earning a second place finish.

"Tough day out there. Had a great start, but didn't finish. Got to find a way to sustain," Nutt said. "All about maximum effort all the time. Just didn't have it at the end. Loved the course though. So much green. Beautiful. Flowers everywhere. Can't wait to be back."

The day wasn't completely void of drama as Nick Saban and some Augusta officials had a disagreement over the coach's language and belittlement of staff members. Saban was asked to leave the course for "general abrasiveness" according to one official. The official would not comment further and anyone associated with Alabama was too afraid to comment on the situation.

Outside of the Saban incident, everyone who played enjoyed themselves. "I can't wait to do it again," Dan Mullen said. "Even though I always wear a visor, it does nothing to help my golf game. Last time I checked a 132 isn't very good. But I just hope I'm here next year to take advantage of this opportunity."

"The pace was a little slow for my taste," Auburn coach Gene Chizik said. "I generally like to get in a round of 18 in about 47 minutes. All of this standing around probably hurt my score (129), but I'm all for helping promote the SEC. I mean, this is the same conference that gave me a head coaching job when I only had five career wins in 24 games, so I'll do anything for the SEC and Auburn."

Part of the slow play issue can be attributed to Vanderbilt's Bobby Johnson, who averaged only 29 yards per drive and hit two consecutive airborne shots just once during 18 holes on his way to a 214 and a last place finish. "It's tough playing with wooden irons and woods, no putter and only seven clubs, but you've got to make do with what you have," he said.

"I heard about Gene's complaint that we were playing too slow and some of that could be my fault," Derek Dooley of Tennessee admitted. "I had a problem choosing a caddy with any skill and experience. There just weren't any left in the clubhouse, so I had to go with a guy who had never done this before or was any good."

"I really, really hope I'm around next year for this," Georgia's Mark Richt said. "I mean really, really, really hope so. Make sure you write down all of those 'reallys.' I need this."

Nick Saban wasn't the only coach who didn't finish all 18 holes. Les Miles started the round, but between holes 11 and 12 he fell in Rae's Creek and later disappeared before reaching the 13th tee box. He is still missing (please contact the LSU Athletic Department if you have any information on his whereabouts). Urban Meyer began play, but stopped after seven holes to rest and recharge. He then tried to restart play on number 11, but was told by an official he needed to return to the eighth hole. Meyer began shouting that the official was a "bad guy" and that if this was his home course, they'd "go at it right now." He was last seen walking off the course with his daughter.

Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino did not tee off at his scheduled time or at all. After Lou Holtz was found milling around the 1st tee, it was discovered that Petrino had sold his coach's pass to Holtz for $6.18 and four pieces of gum. And Kentucky's Joker Phillips never made it on the course either. He was stopped at the coach's gate and told he could not enter. Not because he is black, but because no one knows what the hell Joker Phillips looks like.

Mike Slive, already planning for the next visit to Augusta to be even better, cracked one last smile and said, "Next year I hope we can get 100% participation. We've got some kinks to work out, but for the first year I thought things went really well. We'll eventually get to a point where the cursing, excessive celebration and cheating are completely stamped out."

Get to Know Your SEC Football Players

In an effort to be more prepared and educated for the 2010 football season, I'm starting a new feature here that will introduce a player from one of the 12 teams in the Southeastern Conference. Each week, or really whenever I feel like it, a number from 1-99 and team will be randomly chosen, and we'll all get to know the individual with that number on that particular team. That way when one of these players does something to help his team succeed, fail or just gets in a random shot of the sidelines, we can all say, "Hey, there's that backup offensive lineman from Kentucky that I read about in April and immediately forgot all about him." So it should be a good time.

Here's how the selection process works. I had an associate/acquaintance/correspondent/whatever select a number between 0 and 10, followed by a number between 1-9 (if he had picked 10 that would have been the number). After that unnecessary communication with another human being, I decided that all future numbers will be pulled from one of those random number generator websites. Much less personal. And finally, the team he chose was probably the first one that popped in his head. However, each team will only be used once until all 12 have been selected, then we'll start over again. So, after that incredibly long explanation, our very first selection in this one-way meet and greet is none other than...



#49 Ryan Wilbourn, P, Arkansas Razorbacks

Some background information: A junior and transfer from Arkansas State, Ryan will not be playing in the 2010 season, which is a fitting start to this feature. So don't even bother looking for him next year unless Arkansas dresses everyone for home games. Maybe he'll see the sidelines for the homecoming game. Who knows.  Also, given the state of the Arkansas State football website, this may not actually be a picture of Ryan.

Greatest on-field accomplishment:  He played well enough on November 28, 2009 against North Texas to win the Sun Belt Conference Special Teams Player of the Week.

Greatest off-the-field accomplishment:  According to my research, he received an academic scholarship to A-State.  And let's go ahead and award him bravery points for going with the "comb-forward" hair style.

Way(s) in which he has embarrassed himself, his family, team and school:  Even though he walked the mean streets of Searcy, Arkansas, Ryan has avoided any activities that would allow him to fit right in with the Georgia Bulldogs or Florida Gators.

Strengths:  Swinging his leg really high in the air, throwing a football into the ground only to have it bounce right back to him, standing in one spot on the sideline for long periods of time and conversing with punters and kickers.

Weaknesses:  Tackling, running and sideline interactions with non-punters and kickers.

What to expect in 2010:  Ryan should receive plenty of work in practice, especially if Arkansas uses scout team punters (if that even exists).  If you want to get a look at him, I suggest scanning the background or edges of any camera shot that includes Dylan Breeding and/or Alex Tejada.  Punters and kickers tend to travel in packs.

Around the SEC: What Didn't Happen Over the Weekend

Mark Richt dismissed his entire second team defense.
I'm sure that day is coming soon, but for now he's only told one of them not to come back to Athens. Linebacker Montez Robinson was booted from the team for an assortment of dumb decisions followed by even dumber actions. Look for him in 2011 at an SEC school near you.

Derek Dooley smiled, gave an insightful interview.
In Dooley's defense, his top three quarterbacks, the esteemed Nick Stephens, Matt Simms and Tyler Bray, were a combined 17 of 42 in the Vols' first scrimmage (Bray was a Brent Schaeffer-like 6 of 20).

Bobby Petrino followed through on a commitment to go to the grocery store.
He needed some Diet Coke, but elected to go with the Coke Zero at the gas station just down the street.

Houston Nutt declared the Wild Rebel to be the Rebels' base offense in the fall.
From the reports I've read, punting may be the most valuable offensive weapon. Granted it's only a few practices into the spring, but words that describe the offensive line include "overwhelmed," "struggling" and "12 million miles away from being average." A leaky or, perhaps more accurately, collapsed levee offensive line is not the best situation for breaking in a new quarterback.

Gene Chizik refrained from pacing non-stop between the 35-yard lines at Jordan-Hare Stadium.
Even Chizik is using spring practice to wear a groove in the grass that will be nice and flat come August.

Orlando Sentinel kicked Urban Meyer off Page One of the sports section, citing his remarks about the copy editor's nephew.
Urban Meyer is probably pulling for Duke. LET'S GO BUTLER!!! NO ONE WITH A SOUL WANTS TO SEE DUKE WIN.

Dan Mullen, seeking a three-way quarterback battle with no real winner, spoke with Tyson Lee about applying for a sixth year of eligibility.
If Tyler Russell doesn't win the starting job, can we begin to question whether he'll ever play significant downs in Starkville? Chris Relf is a nice athlete, but let us remember he that is awful. And yes, I say that with his performance against Ole Miss still on my mind. A game like that won't happen again. Until November 2010.

Bobby Johnson thought he had fun.
After further review, he decided that "fun" was a little strong and downgraded his weekend to "nice."

Steve Spurrier broke down the spring film of all his quarterbacks in an effort to determine the depth chart for fall practice.
So does Spurrier have to call someone at Augusta to get tickets this weekend? Or does he already have tickets? Or does the act of watching someone else play golf bring him as much pain and anguish as watching someone else play quarterback for his team?

Joker Phillips admitted that his favorite playing card is actually the nine of hearts.
I don't know about Joker, but I have a suspicion that Rich Brooks is a hell of a Gin player.

In order to help deaf football fans understand Les Miles' "YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" scream, LSU hired a signer to follow him on the sidelines of games and be present at all press conferences.
Actually, this is an awesome idea.

Nick Saban went out of his way to get annoyed with someone else's shortcomings so that he could truly enjoy his Easter Sunday.
I think this one has a pretty decent chance of being true. If he's not correcting failures, he's not happy.