Don’t be fooled. Just because there was an extra day on the weekend doesn’t mean it was even more exciting than regular weekends. If not for the Masters, I would have…well, I don’t know. Been productive? Engaged my brain in some sort of active learning mode? But who wants that to happen? Thank you old white men of Augusta for saving me. On to what happened over the weekend…
Angel Cabrera survives the battle of incompetence to win The Masters. Receiving the benefit of Kenny Perry’s collapse over the final two holes, Cabrera stumbled into a sudden death playoff with Perry and Chad Campbell. The three exchanged bad shots for the first playoff hole, especially Cabrera who hit from behind a tree and actually hit another tree, and only Chad Campbell was not able to pull off at least one decent shot, which eliminated him from the playoff. Cabrera then only had to wait for Perry to shank another shot and not let himself hit another tree, which Perry did and he did not on the next hole, to wrap up his first Masters title.
Many of the Masters tournaments I remember watching usually involved someone making great shots down the stretch to seize the title (minus Greg Norman’s meltdown in 1996). This one involved a trio of chunky guys seemingly doing everything in their powers not to win the tournament (That’s not to say chunky guys can’t win the Masters and play well in doing so. We all remember Mark O’Meara and Phil Mickelson.). It’s very rare that dramatic sports moments can hold interest and excitement while such poor execution is taking place. So take heart Kenny Perry and Chad Campbell. You may have lost, but you were a part of one of the most exciting and yet poorly played final few holes in Masters history. And I imagine that few hundred thousand you pocketed probably wasn’t too bad either.
Ole Miss baseball knocked off its high horse. After winning eight in a row, the Ole Miss baseball team was informed that it was not as good as it once thought. South Carolina took two of three over the weekend, breaking the Rebels’ impressive streak of SEC series wins at one. Ole Miss, which in the previous SEC series against Kentucky allowed only six total runs, gave up 21 runs to the Gamecocks with 20 of those coming in the Friday and Saturday games. Only the unstoppable force that is Scott Biddle was able to shut down South Carolina’s offense (A special thanks goes out to the New York Yankees and their concern over an injury that may not be there. And also to their general stubbornness).
Next up for the Rebels is a Tuesday game in Jackson, errrr, Pearl against Mississippi State, then a weekend series against Florida. At the halfway point of the SEC season, Ole Miss sits 9-6 in conference play and 25-10 overall. With another 9-6 half of a season plus a good showing in the SEC Tournament, I think we should look for Ole Miss to host a regional. Anything less than that and I foresee a trip to someplace with a really good team as the one seed.
Ole Miss football team scrimmages; mercifully no one is injured. Well, except that one injury that sends me into a full body flex and makes me think about throwing up. Wide receiver Andrew Harris did not take part in Saturday’s scrimmage thanks to a RUPTURED TESTICLE!!!!
(Still in a full body flex and thinking of throwing up…)
(Not done yet...)
(Just got a visual of trying to walk with a ruptured testicle…)
(More nausea…)
(Shuddering…)
Spring practice just needs to be over.
The Cleveland Cavaliers are closing in on some kind of record. I would know more, but I’ve zoned out on the 82 game, six-month regular season and meaningless remaining games now that all the playoff spots are set. Whatever it is, I hope they do it.
The Ole Miss basketball team could take another hit unrelated to a knee injury. Allegedly, David Huertas is considering leaving school to begin playing in a professional league in Puerto Rico (his home country). People in the know seem to think Huertas has realized he’ll be getting squeezed out of some minutes next year with the return of Chris Warren and Eniel Polynice and the emergence of Terrico White, and wants to do what he can to improve his NBA stock.
Some also think another factor for leaving is his relationship with Andy Kennedy, which they perceive as a poor one. I don’t buy this thought at all. Both are extremely passionate and outward displayers of emotion who want to win, but their arguing with one another, which can get heated, never carries over outside of basketball. Kennedy is from the school of Bob Huggins (both on the court and off the court, you know, arrests and such) where a coach allows his players to talk back to a certain point. Huggins never shies away from a “discussion” with one of his players during a game and neither will Kennedy. It just so happens Huertas is willing to offer his point of view. If Huertas had ever crossed the line, he would have found himself on the bench and watching his minutes plummet.
As for the professional Puerto Rican team, the only reason I see behind that is as mentioned above, more minutes. I don’t necessarily agree with the potential move because I don’t think it really improves his stock that much (and selfishly I don’t want him to go), but if he’s convinced he can’t get what he needs at Ole Miss then he should leave. A sulking David Huertas is the last thing next year’s team needs. Well, that and a post combination of true freshman Reginald Buckner and senior DeAundre Cranston, which we are now facing.
*EDIT*
Huertas has officially left the team. In two weeks, we've gone from a deep, talented team to an ultra-thin (especially in the post), talented guard-oriented team. Losing Huertas hurts because he would have been a great offensive option to have behind Terrico White and Warren (I mean, that's three pretty good scorers right there, plus with those two and their abilities to drive and kick out would have created multiple open threes for Huertas), but his points and contributions can be picked up much more easily than Malcolm White's. That's the loss that I think will keep next year's team from being really good.
Jackie Sherrill manages to create potential NCAA violations while not actually employed by a school where he could secretly create NCAA violations. Sherrill attended a Mississippi State practice at the invitation of head coach Dan Mullen and, while at practice, appeared to interact with the kickers and punters after it began.
Buried in the minutia of the NCAA rulebook is a bylaw that limits coaching staffs to one head coach, nine assistants and two grad assistants. Consultants are allowed to train the staff but cannot interact with players unless they are considered part of the coaching staff.
Mullen denied that Sherrill interacted with players saying, “He was coaching me. I don't think there's any limitation of coaches that can coach your coaches.” Sherrill concurred with that statement saying, “I wasn't coaching them. I was trying to coach the coaches how to coach them.” That was a lot of coaching going on without actual coaching going on.
Since I wasn’t there, I can’t say what really happened. A couple of reporters obviously saw it all and wrote Sherrill did appear to interact with the players, which leads me to believe Jackie Wayne did yet something else wrong. Let this be a lesson to young grasshopper Dan Mullen. Jackie Sherrill’s presence around any football program always, ALWAYS results in bad news.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Looking for a Midweek Pulse
If you’re a regular reader, this gimmick is not a knock on ESPN, but a look at the top stories of today in a sporting world without football. And at the end, I determine if there is life in the world of sports at the midway point of this week. So from ESPN.com’s homepage, the top stories of the day…
Player of the year Griffin entering the NBA draft. Oklahoma’s Naismith Award winner decided not to return to school in favor of probably being the number one pick in the upcoming NBA draft and the fortunes that come with that. And the thought of returning to college where he most certainly would have averaged something like a 29-20 was most likely a little boring. This season, Griffin terrorized post players across the country and Midwest by putting up 30 double-doubles, averaging 22.7 points and 14.4 rebounds a game.
I was in attendance for his Sweet 16 game against Syracuse in Memphis and got to see this actually happen:
I suppose it’s only fair to the rest of college basketball players not playing at Oklahoma that he leaves, since he would probably unhinge his jaw and eat all of them, but I would have thoroughly enjoyed watching him dominate and destroy for another year. But as Red from Shawshank once said, “I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.”
Aikman: Owen’s cut OK; Williams must step up. “Well, what you’ve got right here is a problem that needed to be solved. And you’re exactly right, Terrell needed to leave Dallas. He was really a problem that needed to be solved. And that’s what the Cowboys did, they solved a problem that needed to be solved and got rid of him, which is what they should have done for that problem.
Now, as for Roy Williams. He needs to step up. You’re exactly right when you say Roy didn’t perform well last season. He really didn’t. And he’s got to step up. Because if he doesn’t step up, then the trade for him really wasn’t a very good one. So Roy has to step up this year.”
Pedroia, Beckett lift BoSox by Rays. The Braves are now 2-0 after beating the defending World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies. Yes, there are 160 more games, countless pitching injuries and a dozen Chipper Jones oblique strains to go, but after last year’s 72-90 showing, I’m enjoying any signs of hope this early in the year.
Hornets win, in playoffs. This win over the Heat also ended my five-game winning streak on ESPN’s “Streak for the Cash,” which everyone should be playing if you aren’t. It’s free, highly enjoyable and could possibly give you a reason to care when Real Madrid and Juventus face each other the in the UEFA Cup. Look for it on ESPN’s homepage.
Flyers clinch; Panthers fall. Someone in the NHL office just woke Gary Bettman up from his nap to let him know his league made it on ESPN’s homepage. The commissioner responded by calling Versus to demand more money from their TV deal and also checked in with Kansas City, Little Rock and Topeka to see if they were interested in expansion NHL franchises.
Yao, Rockets edge Magic as Landry returns. Bettman also tried to provoke a dispute between the player’s union and owners to see if a strike or lockout would do anything positive for the league. And he called Montreal to see if the Canadiens were interested in moving to Battle Creek, Michigan, as the mayor of Battle Creek confirmed they would support an NHL team.
Coach: Cousins decides to follow Calipari to UK. Well, it seems as if Calipari’s recruitment of Memphis players to Kentucky while he was still “deciding” between the two schools has paid off here. Remember when he spent a day and a half considering his options? He wasn’t considering anything. He was calling all his Memphis recruits and convincing them Kentucky was the new place to be. But remember, he loves Memphis so much.
Woods to tee off Masters with Cink, J. Singh. In honor of Masters week, I present a sign that is acceptable to hold up since it is full of well-crafted mockery and/or spite. This is from the year Martha Burke (I think that was her name) led a protest for women’s rights at The Masters. She apparently didn’t monitor her protest group too closely.
Joba pokes fun at N.Y. drivers, Berra in video. Yes, the video from his DUI arrest last October. He rambled about some other things and told the arresting state trooper that he really loved him. No, like really loved him, man. Such a good guy. Doing a great job. He loved him. You don’t understand. He loved him. Like really.
Rumors: McNabb to Ocho Cinco in 2009. How irrelevant has Chad Johnson become? It wasn’t until the third time I read this I remembered the whole Ocho Cinco thing. I’m not sure what I thought Ocho Cinco was (perhaps an upstart Mexican football league), but it wasn’t Chad Johnson.
PULSE VERDICT: Dead.
Player of the year Griffin entering the NBA draft. Oklahoma’s Naismith Award winner decided not to return to school in favor of probably being the number one pick in the upcoming NBA draft and the fortunes that come with that. And the thought of returning to college where he most certainly would have averaged something like a 29-20 was most likely a little boring. This season, Griffin terrorized post players across the country and Midwest by putting up 30 double-doubles, averaging 22.7 points and 14.4 rebounds a game.
I was in attendance for his Sweet 16 game against Syracuse in Memphis and got to see this actually happen:
I suppose it’s only fair to the rest of college basketball players not playing at Oklahoma that he leaves, since he would probably unhinge his jaw and eat all of them, but I would have thoroughly enjoyed watching him dominate and destroy for another year. But as Red from Shawshank once said, “I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.”
Aikman: Owen’s cut OK; Williams must step up. “Well, what you’ve got right here is a problem that needed to be solved. And you’re exactly right, Terrell needed to leave Dallas. He was really a problem that needed to be solved. And that’s what the Cowboys did, they solved a problem that needed to be solved and got rid of him, which is what they should have done for that problem.
Now, as for Roy Williams. He needs to step up. You’re exactly right when you say Roy didn’t perform well last season. He really didn’t. And he’s got to step up. Because if he doesn’t step up, then the trade for him really wasn’t a very good one. So Roy has to step up this year.”
Pedroia, Beckett lift BoSox by Rays. The Braves are now 2-0 after beating the defending World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies. Yes, there are 160 more games, countless pitching injuries and a dozen Chipper Jones oblique strains to go, but after last year’s 72-90 showing, I’m enjoying any signs of hope this early in the year.
Hornets win, in playoffs. This win over the Heat also ended my five-game winning streak on ESPN’s “Streak for the Cash,” which everyone should be playing if you aren’t. It’s free, highly enjoyable and could possibly give you a reason to care when Real Madrid and Juventus face each other the in the UEFA Cup. Look for it on ESPN’s homepage.
Flyers clinch; Panthers fall. Someone in the NHL office just woke Gary Bettman up from his nap to let him know his league made it on ESPN’s homepage. The commissioner responded by calling Versus to demand more money from their TV deal and also checked in with Kansas City, Little Rock and Topeka to see if they were interested in expansion NHL franchises.
Yao, Rockets edge Magic as Landry returns. Bettman also tried to provoke a dispute between the player’s union and owners to see if a strike or lockout would do anything positive for the league. And he called Montreal to see if the Canadiens were interested in moving to Battle Creek, Michigan, as the mayor of Battle Creek confirmed they would support an NHL team.
Coach: Cousins decides to follow Calipari to UK. Well, it seems as if Calipari’s recruitment of Memphis players to Kentucky while he was still “deciding” between the two schools has paid off here. Remember when he spent a day and a half considering his options? He wasn’t considering anything. He was calling all his Memphis recruits and convincing them Kentucky was the new place to be. But remember, he loves Memphis so much.
Woods to tee off Masters with Cink, J. Singh. In honor of Masters week, I present a sign that is acceptable to hold up since it is full of well-crafted mockery and/or spite. This is from the year Martha Burke (I think that was her name) led a protest for women’s rights at The Masters. She apparently didn’t monitor her protest group too closely.
Joba pokes fun at N.Y. drivers, Berra in video. Yes, the video from his DUI arrest last October. He rambled about some other things and told the arresting state trooper that he really loved him. No, like really loved him, man. Such a good guy. Doing a great job. He loved him. You don’t understand. He loved him. Like really.
Rumors: McNabb to Ocho Cinco in 2009. How irrelevant has Chad Johnson become? It wasn’t until the third time I read this I remembered the whole Ocho Cinco thing. I’m not sure what I thought Ocho Cinco was (perhaps an upstart Mexican football league), but it wasn’t Chad Johnson.
PULSE VERDICT: Dead.
Monday, April 06, 2009
From the Weekend That Was
Michigan State, North Carolina to put Ford Field to good use tonight. After the 2008 Fall of neglect from the Lions’ 0-8 home effort, Ford Field will see actual competition for the second time in three days when tonight’s national championship game takes place. Michigan State earned a spot in the game with a win over Connecticut and Jim Calhoun’s innovative, disciplined offense, which mostly consisted of A.J. Price driving recklessly at the basket in hopes that a foul might be called. Price finished with a stellar 5 of 20 from the floor (And I was lamenting the end of Allen Iverson shooting performances. Thank you, A.J.).
North Carolina dismantled a Villanova team that pulled an A.J. Price and shot 5 of 27 from behind the three-point line, while Carolina went 11 of 22. The Wildcats attempted to make things interesting early in the second half, but North Carolina just had way too much on offense. And thanks to Scottie Reynolds for his Iverson-like shooting as he threw up a 6 of 18 from the floor.
Tonight’s game should be one of the better games of the Tournament. Both teams are well coached, have excellent athleticism and rely on more than one person to do their scoring. In the interest of looking smarter than everyone who didn’t pick North Carolina to win it all, my loyalties will lie with the Tar Heels. Well, that and although I really like Tom Izzo, the thought of a 275-pound Magic Johnson being interviewed on the floor after Michigan State wins, stealing the moment from the players and coaches who deserve it, makes me want to vomit.
Over/under on how many times CBS shows Magic in the crowd: 14. I’ll take the over.
Ole Miss baseball team inhales Kentucky to earn first SEC series sweep. Outscoring the Wildcats 22-6 over the weekend, the Rebels finally broke through in a third game of a series. I haven’t made it to a weekend series game, but from everything I’ve read, starting pitching and timely hitting are this team’s strongest attributes. Since Scott Biddle (has he dropped the Scottie and is going for a more professional name? I say boo to that if so) has joined the weekend rotation, the Rebels have given up just 18 runs in six SEC games. If they can get any offense with that kind of pitching, they’ll be in every game. And although Kentucky may apparently suck, this is what you do to bad teams.
Mississippi State baseball coach John Cohen’s anger is our entertainment. After being ejected and forced to listen on the radio to his team’s collapse in Sunday’s game against Auburn, who won 2 of 3 in Starkville, Cohen unleashed a cluster bomb of rage against his team, most notably his bullpen.
“It's a good thing we have the best radio guy in the country because at the very least, you get to listen to something of quality associated with Mississippi State baseball on the radio - because there's nothing of quality happening on the field there for a while."
But he wasn’t finished. What about that bullpen?
“It's personnel that just walks people. And there's not much we can do about that. In the future, we will have pitchers who have a background of throwing strikes. These guys do not, and it's that simple."
FAN-tastic. Here’s to hoping Cohen continues to get opportunities to top these quotes.
For the next 210-ish days, baseball will be played. The Braves’ 4-1 win over the Phillies last night kicked off the 2009 version of Major League Baseball, which will end sometime in early November. So seriously, from now until November, baseball will be on a television near you. That’s seven months from now.
Now, I like baseball. It’s an excellent filler from the end of college basketball to the start of college football. But a seven-month season is just stupid. There’s no reason to drag something out that long. People lose interest and a fan emotionally investing himself for 162 games (plus playoff games) isn’t going to happen, especially when football gets cranked up (both NFL and college).
End the World Series in early October, which means the regular season is done in early September, and people might stick around while football hasn’t reached its high gear. But rest assured, whatever the most logical move to improve baseball is, those in charge will do the exact opposite.
Plaxico Burress continues to meet police officers. The recently released wide receiver told a deputy sheriff during a March 18th traffic stop, “F--- you. You can’t open my f------ door.” Well then. Apparently, Plaxico does not enjoy the company of law enforcement officers. I was wrong.
Burress was pulled over for speeding (according to the police report, he was driving like “he was going to kill somebody”) on I-95 near Fort Lauderdale. His cooperation, or perhaps lack thereof, was described as “violent and aggressive” and earned him a $150 ticket, his fifth in Florida in the past month.
This should do wonders for his future employment in the NFL…err, National Football League (my apologies Mark Schlareth) and for his gun charge that still stands in New York (you know, when he shot himself, maybe you heard about it).
Carlos Zambrano wants Cubs fans to hate him. Why else would he suggest that Chicago should build a new stadium for the Cubs? I’m not a Cubs fan or emotionally attached to Wrigley Field like many Cubs fans, who, since their team cannot win a World Series, have nothing to hold onto but Wrigley, but even I know you don’t speak ill of or want to see the end of Wrigley Field. As the great Ricky Bobby once said, “That’s just dumb.”
Broncos owner Pat Bowlen tries to get fans excited about the Kyle Orton era. Bowlen sent a letter to all season ticket holders that explained that the Broncos had no choice but to trade Jay Cutler and his 17-20 career record. I guess he failed to mention they did have a choice in trading for Kyle Orton.
But allegedly, the Bears gave the Broncos the best offer, which included two first-round draft picks and a third-round pick, so Denver almost had to take Orton and the picks. I hope for Denver’s sake that those picks turn into a player who can throw the ball forward with a high degree of accuracy because currently, the Broncos have Orton, Darrell Hackney and Chris Simms listed as their quarterbacks. Good times.
North Carolina dismantled a Villanova team that pulled an A.J. Price and shot 5 of 27 from behind the three-point line, while Carolina went 11 of 22. The Wildcats attempted to make things interesting early in the second half, but North Carolina just had way too much on offense. And thanks to Scottie Reynolds for his Iverson-like shooting as he threw up a 6 of 18 from the floor.
Tonight’s game should be one of the better games of the Tournament. Both teams are well coached, have excellent athleticism and rely on more than one person to do their scoring. In the interest of looking smarter than everyone who didn’t pick North Carolina to win it all, my loyalties will lie with the Tar Heels. Well, that and although I really like Tom Izzo, the thought of a 275-pound Magic Johnson being interviewed on the floor after Michigan State wins, stealing the moment from the players and coaches who deserve it, makes me want to vomit.
Over/under on how many times CBS shows Magic in the crowd: 14. I’ll take the over.
Ole Miss baseball team inhales Kentucky to earn first SEC series sweep. Outscoring the Wildcats 22-6 over the weekend, the Rebels finally broke through in a third game of a series. I haven’t made it to a weekend series game, but from everything I’ve read, starting pitching and timely hitting are this team’s strongest attributes. Since Scott Biddle (has he dropped the Scottie and is going for a more professional name? I say boo to that if so) has joined the weekend rotation, the Rebels have given up just 18 runs in six SEC games. If they can get any offense with that kind of pitching, they’ll be in every game. And although Kentucky may apparently suck, this is what you do to bad teams.
Mississippi State baseball coach John Cohen’s anger is our entertainment. After being ejected and forced to listen on the radio to his team’s collapse in Sunday’s game against Auburn, who won 2 of 3 in Starkville, Cohen unleashed a cluster bomb of rage against his team, most notably his bullpen.
“It's a good thing we have the best radio guy in the country because at the very least, you get to listen to something of quality associated with Mississippi State baseball on the radio - because there's nothing of quality happening on the field there for a while."
But he wasn’t finished. What about that bullpen?
“It's personnel that just walks people. And there's not much we can do about that. In the future, we will have pitchers who have a background of throwing strikes. These guys do not, and it's that simple."
FAN-tastic. Here’s to hoping Cohen continues to get opportunities to top these quotes.
For the next 210-ish days, baseball will be played. The Braves’ 4-1 win over the Phillies last night kicked off the 2009 version of Major League Baseball, which will end sometime in early November. So seriously, from now until November, baseball will be on a television near you. That’s seven months from now.
Now, I like baseball. It’s an excellent filler from the end of college basketball to the start of college football. But a seven-month season is just stupid. There’s no reason to drag something out that long. People lose interest and a fan emotionally investing himself for 162 games (plus playoff games) isn’t going to happen, especially when football gets cranked up (both NFL and college).
End the World Series in early October, which means the regular season is done in early September, and people might stick around while football hasn’t reached its high gear. But rest assured, whatever the most logical move to improve baseball is, those in charge will do the exact opposite.
Plaxico Burress continues to meet police officers. The recently released wide receiver told a deputy sheriff during a March 18th traffic stop, “F--- you. You can’t open my f------ door.” Well then. Apparently, Plaxico does not enjoy the company of law enforcement officers. I was wrong.
Burress was pulled over for speeding (according to the police report, he was driving like “he was going to kill somebody”) on I-95 near Fort Lauderdale. His cooperation, or perhaps lack thereof, was described as “violent and aggressive” and earned him a $150 ticket, his fifth in Florida in the past month.
This should do wonders for his future employment in the NFL…err, National Football League (my apologies Mark Schlareth) and for his gun charge that still stands in New York (you know, when he shot himself, maybe you heard about it).
Carlos Zambrano wants Cubs fans to hate him. Why else would he suggest that Chicago should build a new stadium for the Cubs? I’m not a Cubs fan or emotionally attached to Wrigley Field like many Cubs fans, who, since their team cannot win a World Series, have nothing to hold onto but Wrigley, but even I know you don’t speak ill of or want to see the end of Wrigley Field. As the great Ricky Bobby once said, “That’s just dumb.”
Broncos owner Pat Bowlen tries to get fans excited about the Kyle Orton era. Bowlen sent a letter to all season ticket holders that explained that the Broncos had no choice but to trade Jay Cutler and his 17-20 career record. I guess he failed to mention they did have a choice in trading for Kyle Orton.
But allegedly, the Bears gave the Broncos the best offer, which included two first-round draft picks and a third-round pick, so Denver almost had to take Orton and the picks. I hope for Denver’s sake that those picks turn into a player who can throw the ball forward with a high degree of accuracy because currently, the Broncos have Orton, Darrell Hackney and Chris Simms listed as their quarterbacks. Good times.
Friday, April 03, 2009
The Best, Worst and In Between of the Week
THE BEST
John Calipari leaves Memphis for Kentucky; mentions it was dangerous for Italians to live in Memphis. I covered the insanity that took place on Tuesday, but failed to mention Calipari’s farewell press conference of sorts that took place in the front yard of his house. The smooth-talking salesman rambled on about how everything in Memphis would be fine, that it was a great job to have and that he will miss it. And of course, while answering questions, he tried to paint himself as some kind of victim by his decision to leave. It was pretty amazing how he had actually convinced himself of this.
But the whole thing really jumped up a notch when he was talking about taking risks with all the jobs he’s had. When he mentioned taking the UMass job, he talked about it being a dead program and a dead end for coaches. He talked about his jump to the NBA being a giant career risk. But when he mentioned Memphis, he said something along the lines of “an Italian guy coming to the mid-South? Come on. That’s a huge risk.”
What an absolutely fantastic schmuck. It’s not that we here in the South don’t like Italians, it’s that we get annoyed with that tingly feeling when someone is blowing smoke up our asses.
On a slightly related note: Can we stop all these claims of people saying, “I’m Italian” or whatever nationality they think they are but aren’t. If you’re not originally from that country, nor are your parents, guess what, YOU’RE NOT FROM THERE. You’re just a plain, old American. To me, your parents are the cutoff for claiming another country. If they didn’t come through immigration, then you lose the right to say something stupid like, “I’m Italian.”
Yeah, this is splitting hairs to a degree, but it annoys the hell out of me. “I’m Irish, so you know I like to drink!” No, you like to drink because you like booze. I’ve never heard someone in a bar say, “I’m glad I’m Irish, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” Idiots.
Jay Cutler traded to the Bears and continues his stranglehold on the 2009 Elian Gonzalez Award. Yes, this story will be in the news for the next week as “analysts” try to offer fresh takes on this trade (“Jay Cutler will love Chicago. The fans, the city. Just a great place to play football in the National Football League.”), but the trade signals the beginning of the end of Jay Cutler dominating NFL talk.
In a way, it will be sad to see the end of the junior high drama between Cutler and the Broncos (mainly because of all the material it provided), but I’m sure everyone could use a break from breaking ESPN stories that tell us Cutler did not respond to text messages from the Broncos when they asked him if he wanted to go to the mall.
Houston Nutt displays his raw athleticism. Go to the 2:05 mark.
THE WORST
The top Pittsburgh Pirates minor leaguers have their confidence obliterated. By a junior college. Manatee Community College to be exact. The Lancers scored two runs in the sixth and held the Pirates off for three more innings before winning 6-4. Perhaps this might explain why the Major League Pirates are so awful.
Allen Iverson remains confused and frightened after removal from starting lineup. Since returning from a back injury, Iverson has yet to start a game and is spending most of the Pistons’ games sitting on the bench. Obviously this isn’t making The Answer very happy. He went as far to say that he would “rather retire” before doing bench duty again.
I’ve always been a fan of Iverson because I’m fascinated by someone who, in good conscience, can shoot 30 times a game and make only like seven shots. And not just a once or twice a month, but nearly every night. Granted, many of those nights came when his team’s second best offensive option was Aaron McKie, but you would think maybe once or twice he would feel guilty about shooting so much and making so few. But of course he never did, which is probably why I liked watching him so much. He ignored the rules most basketball players abided.
So enjoy the occasional 6 for 23 he might throw up because his shooting percentage nightmares will be few and far between from now on.
THE IN BETWEEN
I went to the Ole Miss/Memphis game on Wednesday night at AutoZone Park here in Memphis. Ole Miss rallied to defeat the 10-15 Tigers in 10 innings in front of a majority Ole Miss crowd (but to be fair, this was just one day after the school lost its basketball coach and I assume most people were at home gently sobbing).
I can’t think of too many things more enjoyable at a baseball game that to yell “balk” when a pitcher clearly does not balk, and it’s dead quiet in the crowd. This immediately gets people energized and also causes some to believe that a balk has taken place and that every throw over to first after that is actually a balk. Soon there’s disorder and confusion in the stands because 20 or 30 people are now yelling balk (even though one isn’t happening), those who aren’t sure what a balk is are completely confused, and among those who know what a balk is, a debate breaks out whether or not a balk is really taking place. And all of this happens every time the pitcher throws over to first. Good times.
And congratulations to you, you’ve just read the most pointless paragraph of your week, perhaps month.
John Calipari leaves Memphis for Kentucky; mentions it was dangerous for Italians to live in Memphis. I covered the insanity that took place on Tuesday, but failed to mention Calipari’s farewell press conference of sorts that took place in the front yard of his house. The smooth-talking salesman rambled on about how everything in Memphis would be fine, that it was a great job to have and that he will miss it. And of course, while answering questions, he tried to paint himself as some kind of victim by his decision to leave. It was pretty amazing how he had actually convinced himself of this.
But the whole thing really jumped up a notch when he was talking about taking risks with all the jobs he’s had. When he mentioned taking the UMass job, he talked about it being a dead program and a dead end for coaches. He talked about his jump to the NBA being a giant career risk. But when he mentioned Memphis, he said something along the lines of “an Italian guy coming to the mid-South? Come on. That’s a huge risk.”
What an absolutely fantastic schmuck. It’s not that we here in the South don’t like Italians, it’s that we get annoyed with that tingly feeling when someone is blowing smoke up our asses.
On a slightly related note: Can we stop all these claims of people saying, “I’m Italian” or whatever nationality they think they are but aren’t. If you’re not originally from that country, nor are your parents, guess what, YOU’RE NOT FROM THERE. You’re just a plain, old American. To me, your parents are the cutoff for claiming another country. If they didn’t come through immigration, then you lose the right to say something stupid like, “I’m Italian.”
Yeah, this is splitting hairs to a degree, but it annoys the hell out of me. “I’m Irish, so you know I like to drink!” No, you like to drink because you like booze. I’ve never heard someone in a bar say, “I’m glad I’m Irish, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” Idiots.
Jay Cutler traded to the Bears and continues his stranglehold on the 2009 Elian Gonzalez Award. Yes, this story will be in the news for the next week as “analysts” try to offer fresh takes on this trade (“Jay Cutler will love Chicago. The fans, the city. Just a great place to play football in the National Football League.”), but the trade signals the beginning of the end of Jay Cutler dominating NFL talk.
In a way, it will be sad to see the end of the junior high drama between Cutler and the Broncos (mainly because of all the material it provided), but I’m sure everyone could use a break from breaking ESPN stories that tell us Cutler did not respond to text messages from the Broncos when they asked him if he wanted to go to the mall.
Houston Nutt displays his raw athleticism. Go to the 2:05 mark.
THE WORST
The top Pittsburgh Pirates minor leaguers have their confidence obliterated. By a junior college. Manatee Community College to be exact. The Lancers scored two runs in the sixth and held the Pirates off for three more innings before winning 6-4. Perhaps this might explain why the Major League Pirates are so awful.
Allen Iverson remains confused and frightened after removal from starting lineup. Since returning from a back injury, Iverson has yet to start a game and is spending most of the Pistons’ games sitting on the bench. Obviously this isn’t making The Answer very happy. He went as far to say that he would “rather retire” before doing bench duty again.
I’ve always been a fan of Iverson because I’m fascinated by someone who, in good conscience, can shoot 30 times a game and make only like seven shots. And not just a once or twice a month, but nearly every night. Granted, many of those nights came when his team’s second best offensive option was Aaron McKie, but you would think maybe once or twice he would feel guilty about shooting so much and making so few. But of course he never did, which is probably why I liked watching him so much. He ignored the rules most basketball players abided.
So enjoy the occasional 6 for 23 he might throw up because his shooting percentage nightmares will be few and far between from now on.
THE IN BETWEEN
I went to the Ole Miss/Memphis game on Wednesday night at AutoZone Park here in Memphis. Ole Miss rallied to defeat the 10-15 Tigers in 10 innings in front of a majority Ole Miss crowd (but to be fair, this was just one day after the school lost its basketball coach and I assume most people were at home gently sobbing).
I can’t think of too many things more enjoyable at a baseball game that to yell “balk” when a pitcher clearly does not balk, and it’s dead quiet in the crowd. This immediately gets people energized and also causes some to believe that a balk has taken place and that every throw over to first after that is actually a balk. Soon there’s disorder and confusion in the stands because 20 or 30 people are now yelling balk (even though one isn’t happening), those who aren’t sure what a balk is are completely confused, and among those who know what a balk is, a debate breaks out whether or not a balk is really taking place. And all of this happens every time the pitcher throws over to first. Good times.
And congratulations to you, you’ve just read the most pointless paragraph of your week, perhaps month.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Looking for a Midweek Pulse
After a one-week break, the midweek gimmick makes its triumphant return to the blog. I, for one, am celebrating because its return meant I had one less creative idea over which I could labor. Well, not really labor over, more like I didn’t have to think of a blog post today during the 10 minutes I was in the shower. One thing that I can always assure you of is less than 100% effort around here.
Again, this gimmick is not a knock on ESPN, but a look at the top stories in a sporting world without football. And at the end, I determine if there is life in the world of sports at the midway point of this week. Sorry if you’ve never read and thought this was going to be something really cool. You’ll get used to the disappointment.
Calipari ‘humbled, excited’ to arrive at Kentucky. Living in Memphis, I was able to experience first hand the insanity of yesterday’s “Calipari Watch.” One of the local news stations set up a camera at the back door of the Memphis basketball offices and one outside the gate of Calipari’s home, both of which provided live video on the station’s website. What exciting footage were viewers treated to? Literally footage of a door and a gate with the occasional person wandering into the picture, unaware that their crotch scratching, nose picking and general dumb looks were being broadcast to unproductive office workers across the city.
Seriously, there were hours of footage of a door and a gate. And even more amazingly, the door actually has its own Facebook group now (Too bad for the gate though, but if it weren’t so damn pretentious it might have gotten its own group too). Those were just a small taste of the insanity surrounding the potential loss of a coach who managed to coach a team out of a victory when it led by nine with two minutes left in last year’s national championship game.
Residents were also treated to a helicopter hovering over Calipari’s house, a police blockade of his street and a group of about 40 losers who had nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon than to stand outside his house with signs that begged him to stay (Small aside: Anyone over the age of 12 should never be permitted to make a sign. EVER. Actually, I take that back. If the sign is full of well-crafted mockery and/or spite, then I think it’s acceptable. Otherwise, NEVER. Signs alert the rest of the world that you’re either an idiot or predicting the end of the world, which are often the same thing).
Anyway, as for Calipari heading to Kentucky, it should be interesting to see him operate in what is considered part of college basketball’s establishment. Will some of the schmucky things he does and says translate well to Kentucky fans, who believe there’s no excuse for Kentucky not winning every single game they play (since basketball was invented in Kentucky, you know)? What Calipari did at Memphis, while often in the foggily gray area, worked, and if he can keep the same formula (and keep the NCAA away), I think you’ll see Kentucky back to the obnoxious levels they achieved under Pitino (minus closing out important games).
Yanks’ Chamberlain pleads guilty to DUI charge. Ah, life in Nebraska. Corn whiskey and grain.
Broncos decide to try to trade Cutler. It’s the story that won’t die. In fact, it’s the early leader for the 2009 winner of the Elian Gonzalez Award, which is handed out by me each year to the one story that drags out so painfully that I want to headbutt my TV or computer every time I see or hear about it. Again, this entire story is over Jay Cutler, who has a career record of 17-20, a career quarterback rating of 87.1, has never been to a playoff game and never even went to a bowl game in college. If there is such a thing as sports justice, Cutler will spend the next 10 years in Detroit.
Just for a refresher, here’s a list of career winning percentages among active quarterbacks that are close to Jay Culter’s:
Jay Cutler .459
Marc Bulger .460
Charlie Batch .440
Jason Campbell .444
Derek Anderson .481
Kyle Boller .476
Rivers: Celtics to shut down injured Garnett. Since the playoffs are just a couple of weeks away, it’s time to introduce my idea for changing the NBA playoffs and regular season. First, the season has to get shorter. 82 games from November to April can’t keep people’s attention at a high degree. Knock it down to 60-ish and get cranking in late December. This will keep players fresher and ideally make them stronger at the end of the season and in the playoffs, plus not bore America for six months.
And second, the playoff format needs to change. These marathon seven game series that last two weeks need to stop, especially the not playing in back-to-back nights even though the next game is in the same place as the previous game was. That’s just stupid. Because Americans are getting dumber by the minute, their attention spans are also shrinking. We want things now and even then it’s late. Shaking up the playoff format to match this growing age of “I need it now” would add an excitement along the lines of the NCAA Tournament.
I would like to see a format where every team makes the playoffs and is ranked based on record from 1 to 32 (or you could rank them 1 to 16 in each conference and do my format that way). Then, the World Cup format takes over. Teams would be grouped into eight pools of four with each pool having one of the top eight teams in the league. The remaining 24 teams would be divided into groups of eight (based on record) and the worst team in each of those groups would be in Pool A with the #1 team and so on down the line.
For example, Pool A would consist of the #1, #16 (worst of the second group of eight), #24 (worst of the third group) and #32 (worst of the last group). Pool B would have the #2, #15, #23 and #31 teams. Each pool would have round-robin play and the top two teams from each pool advance to a single-elimination round of 16. Bam. Now you have something compelling and rich. Much like the NCAA Tournament, I think you’d find people who don’t care about basketball tuning in to watch. If this ever happens, I demand full credit for changing the NBA.
Undefeated UConn into Final Four. I assume this is about women’s basketball. If ESPN listened to me, none of you would be subjected to this nonsense. And if you wanted to find out about women’s hoops, it could be found on the new ESPNWomen page (Damnit, ESPN, make this happen!).
Anderson gets new 7-year deal, stays at Mizzou. This news created a rare, perhaps unprecedented triple whammy for a single team. Last week, Memphis lost to Missouri, then yesterday lost their coach, and then one of the favorites to replace Calipari locks into Mizzou for the next seven years. Actually, this could be a quadruple whammy if you consider the highly touted recruiting class that was coming to Memphis next year is no longer coming. Good times indeed in the Bluff City (What a poor nickname for a city. Or maybe nothing can match the power of my hometown, Jackson, MS, which gave us “The Bold New City.”).
LeBron, Cavs evade Pistons for 13th straight. Is “evade” the right word here? Doesn’t that imply the Cavs were running from or trying to duck the Pistons? I guess technically the Pistons are chasing the Cavs in the Eastern Conference standings, but perhaps “hold off”, “defeat”, “edge” or “finish off” would have worked better.
Yeah, I know. This is what happens when I have nothing left to say about the NBA.
McCain supporting pardon for Jack Johnson. I’m sure there’s a Rick Reilly-esque joke here involving the singer Jack Johnson or maybe something about McCain being alive to actually see Jack Johnson the boxer fight, but it escapes me at the moment.
Anyway, John McCain, like any good politician, is attaching himself to a winning public relations story that he can use whenever he’s up for election again. 2012, anyone? Or maybe just when he’s up for re-election in the Senate (it could be the same year, but I did absolutely no research to find out).
I’m not sure of the need for a pardon of someone who died 63 years ago and actually only spent one year in jail, but I suppose bringing attention to guys who showed morons that black people could do things white people could do (and in his case better than whites) can’t be bad. And people could learn that Johnson, like all good boxers, enjoyed beating women and sleeping with as many of them as possible.
Also, it should be noted that when Johnson lost his heavyweight title in 1915, he was knocked out in the 26TH ROUND OF A SCHEDULED 45-ROUND FIGHT.
New UVa coach Bennett to get $1.7M annually. I think I can honestly say that I have not seen a part of or even a highlight of a Virginia basketball game in like three years. Maybe more. That means I’ve seen more clips of the NHL in that time than Virginia basketball. This may explain why Virginia is paying a new coach $1.3 million.
Rumors: The futures of Bosh and Iverson. ESPN and their damn Insider! However, I’ll give you a free forecast on their futures. Bosh’s won’t be in Toronto and Iverson’s won’t be in Detroit. Done and done.
PULSE VERDICT: Alive, but critical.
Again, this gimmick is not a knock on ESPN, but a look at the top stories in a sporting world without football. And at the end, I determine if there is life in the world of sports at the midway point of this week. Sorry if you’ve never read and thought this was going to be something really cool. You’ll get used to the disappointment.
Calipari ‘humbled, excited’ to arrive at Kentucky. Living in Memphis, I was able to experience first hand the insanity of yesterday’s “Calipari Watch.” One of the local news stations set up a camera at the back door of the Memphis basketball offices and one outside the gate of Calipari’s home, both of which provided live video on the station’s website. What exciting footage were viewers treated to? Literally footage of a door and a gate with the occasional person wandering into the picture, unaware that their crotch scratching, nose picking and general dumb looks were being broadcast to unproductive office workers across the city.
Seriously, there were hours of footage of a door and a gate. And even more amazingly, the door actually has its own Facebook group now (Too bad for the gate though, but if it weren’t so damn pretentious it might have gotten its own group too). Those were just a small taste of the insanity surrounding the potential loss of a coach who managed to coach a team out of a victory when it led by nine with two minutes left in last year’s national championship game.
Residents were also treated to a helicopter hovering over Calipari’s house, a police blockade of his street and a group of about 40 losers who had nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon than to stand outside his house with signs that begged him to stay (Small aside: Anyone over the age of 12 should never be permitted to make a sign. EVER. Actually, I take that back. If the sign is full of well-crafted mockery and/or spite, then I think it’s acceptable. Otherwise, NEVER. Signs alert the rest of the world that you’re either an idiot or predicting the end of the world, which are often the same thing).
Anyway, as for Calipari heading to Kentucky, it should be interesting to see him operate in what is considered part of college basketball’s establishment. Will some of the schmucky things he does and says translate well to Kentucky fans, who believe there’s no excuse for Kentucky not winning every single game they play (since basketball was invented in Kentucky, you know)? What Calipari did at Memphis, while often in the foggily gray area, worked, and if he can keep the same formula (and keep the NCAA away), I think you’ll see Kentucky back to the obnoxious levels they achieved under Pitino (minus closing out important games).
Yanks’ Chamberlain pleads guilty to DUI charge. Ah, life in Nebraska. Corn whiskey and grain.
Broncos decide to try to trade Cutler. It’s the story that won’t die. In fact, it’s the early leader for the 2009 winner of the Elian Gonzalez Award, which is handed out by me each year to the one story that drags out so painfully that I want to headbutt my TV or computer every time I see or hear about it. Again, this entire story is over Jay Cutler, who has a career record of 17-20, a career quarterback rating of 87.1, has never been to a playoff game and never even went to a bowl game in college. If there is such a thing as sports justice, Cutler will spend the next 10 years in Detroit.
Just for a refresher, here’s a list of career winning percentages among active quarterbacks that are close to Jay Culter’s:
Jay Cutler .459
Marc Bulger .460
Charlie Batch .440
Jason Campbell .444
Derek Anderson .481
Kyle Boller .476
Rivers: Celtics to shut down injured Garnett. Since the playoffs are just a couple of weeks away, it’s time to introduce my idea for changing the NBA playoffs and regular season. First, the season has to get shorter. 82 games from November to April can’t keep people’s attention at a high degree. Knock it down to 60-ish and get cranking in late December. This will keep players fresher and ideally make them stronger at the end of the season and in the playoffs, plus not bore America for six months.
And second, the playoff format needs to change. These marathon seven game series that last two weeks need to stop, especially the not playing in back-to-back nights even though the next game is in the same place as the previous game was. That’s just stupid. Because Americans are getting dumber by the minute, their attention spans are also shrinking. We want things now and even then it’s late. Shaking up the playoff format to match this growing age of “I need it now” would add an excitement along the lines of the NCAA Tournament.
I would like to see a format where every team makes the playoffs and is ranked based on record from 1 to 32 (or you could rank them 1 to 16 in each conference and do my format that way). Then, the World Cup format takes over. Teams would be grouped into eight pools of four with each pool having one of the top eight teams in the league. The remaining 24 teams would be divided into groups of eight (based on record) and the worst team in each of those groups would be in Pool A with the #1 team and so on down the line.
For example, Pool A would consist of the #1, #16 (worst of the second group of eight), #24 (worst of the third group) and #32 (worst of the last group). Pool B would have the #2, #15, #23 and #31 teams. Each pool would have round-robin play and the top two teams from each pool advance to a single-elimination round of 16. Bam. Now you have something compelling and rich. Much like the NCAA Tournament, I think you’d find people who don’t care about basketball tuning in to watch. If this ever happens, I demand full credit for changing the NBA.
Undefeated UConn into Final Four. I assume this is about women’s basketball. If ESPN listened to me, none of you would be subjected to this nonsense. And if you wanted to find out about women’s hoops, it could be found on the new ESPNWomen page (Damnit, ESPN, make this happen!).
Anderson gets new 7-year deal, stays at Mizzou. This news created a rare, perhaps unprecedented triple whammy for a single team. Last week, Memphis lost to Missouri, then yesterday lost their coach, and then one of the favorites to replace Calipari locks into Mizzou for the next seven years. Actually, this could be a quadruple whammy if you consider the highly touted recruiting class that was coming to Memphis next year is no longer coming. Good times indeed in the Bluff City (What a poor nickname for a city. Or maybe nothing can match the power of my hometown, Jackson, MS, which gave us “The Bold New City.”).
LeBron, Cavs evade Pistons for 13th straight. Is “evade” the right word here? Doesn’t that imply the Cavs were running from or trying to duck the Pistons? I guess technically the Pistons are chasing the Cavs in the Eastern Conference standings, but perhaps “hold off”, “defeat”, “edge” or “finish off” would have worked better.
Yeah, I know. This is what happens when I have nothing left to say about the NBA.
McCain supporting pardon for Jack Johnson. I’m sure there’s a Rick Reilly-esque joke here involving the singer Jack Johnson or maybe something about McCain being alive to actually see Jack Johnson the boxer fight, but it escapes me at the moment.
Anyway, John McCain, like any good politician, is attaching himself to a winning public relations story that he can use whenever he’s up for election again. 2012, anyone? Or maybe just when he’s up for re-election in the Senate (it could be the same year, but I did absolutely no research to find out).
I’m not sure of the need for a pardon of someone who died 63 years ago and actually only spent one year in jail, but I suppose bringing attention to guys who showed morons that black people could do things white people could do (and in his case better than whites) can’t be bad. And people could learn that Johnson, like all good boxers, enjoyed beating women and sleeping with as many of them as possible.
Also, it should be noted that when Johnson lost his heavyweight title in 1915, he was knocked out in the 26TH ROUND OF A SCHEDULED 45-ROUND FIGHT.
New UVa coach Bennett to get $1.7M annually. I think I can honestly say that I have not seen a part of or even a highlight of a Virginia basketball game in like three years. Maybe more. That means I’ve seen more clips of the NHL in that time than Virginia basketball. This may explain why Virginia is paying a new coach $1.3 million.
Rumors: The futures of Bosh and Iverson. ESPN and their damn Insider! However, I’ll give you a free forecast on their futures. Bosh’s won’t be in Toronto and Iverson’s won’t be in Detroit. Done and done.
PULSE VERDICT: Alive, but critical.
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