From The Weekend That Was

Georgia 17, Auburn 13
Here's a great example of how dysfunctional Auburn's offense is. Mario Fannin had a 35 yard touchdown run that gave Auburn the lead with 11:05 left in the game (and he had a 52 yard touchdown reception in the first quarter). In the two Auburn possessions after his touchdown run, do you know how many times he touched the ball? Zero. Instead, Ben Tate got four carries, which he turned into a spectacular seven yards. For the game, Tate had 14 carries for 37 yards (2.6 yds/carry) and Fannin had 8 carries for 59 yards (7.4 yds/carry).

Maybe Fannin was hurt or maybe he expressed his longing for the return of Tony Franklin because those are the only two reasons I can see why he wasn't in the game on the last two possessions. And I don't think he was hurt because Tuberville said after the game they went with Tate because they felt like he was running the ball better. That explanation makes as much sense as firing your first year offensive coordinator six games into the season. Strange things are afoot in Auburn, Alabama. Amazingly, Auburn still has a chance to go to a bowl game if they upset Alabama in two weeks.

Ole Miss 59, Former Directional School 0
Bowl eligible. Since 2003, that was a phrase as common to the Rebels as David Cutcliffe playing deserving underclassmen and Ed Orgeron not watching recruiting tapes and refraining from using some variation of the word "compete." Psychologically, this is an enormous boost for fans of and everyone in the Ole Miss program. We're one year removed from winning ZERO SEC GAMES and spent the past four years living in football hell. Seriously, one year ago all we could hope for was a win over State to avoid losing every conference game. Now, I can't really put into words what it means to be spending late December or early January looking forward to a bowl game and not wondering how many recruits we're going to lose between the Egg Bowl and February. It's sort of like Andy Dufresne crawling through 500 yards of shit-smelling foulness to his freedom. Except we crawled around for four miserable years.

Florida 56, South Carolina 6
Okay, I was a little off on this one. Not only was it not close, South Carolina wasn't even remotely competitive. I said the GarciMelley probably couldn't produce enough points for South Carolina to win, but I didn't anticipate they wouldn't have a pulse. I haven't seen quarterbacks that terrified since 2005 when Ethan Flatt stared across the line at LSU's defensive front four.

As for Florida, I referred to them last week as an F5 tornado. I was wrong. They're like an F5 tornado that sprays fire, Tomahawk cruise missiles and a general cloud of death at anything in its path. What they're doing right now is something I've never seen or will likely ever see again. It's sort of like what the Patriots did early last season in the NFL, but with more death and burning of villages. 38-7, 51-21, 63-5, 49-10, 42-14 and 56-6. Those are their scores since they lost to Ole Miss. That's six conference games and three top 25 teams. I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

But of course, 31-30 still stands.

Alabama 32, Mississippi State 7
As I watched part of this game, I kept thinking about how cold it must have been sitting in the upper deck in Tuscaloosa. When I saw Sylvester Croom on the field dressed like he was about to face a Siberian winter, I could only assume the people up top were experiencing a cold even Jack Daniels couldn't break. Nor could he add any entertainment value to the State offense. For State fans there, it was probably a toss up on whether the cold or their offense was more brutal.

Alabama was just about as ugly as predicted, but they could afford to be when facing a State offense that sputtered its way to 167 total yards. I expect Alabama will play a game almost exactly like this one in two weeks when they try to end their losing streak to Auburn.

Vanderbilt 31, Kentucky 24
I looked for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on Saturday night, but didn't see them. Yet. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Vandy is going to a bowl. I just hope they don't get destroyed playing a C-USA team. But seriously, be on the lookout for these guys:


LSU 40, Troy 31
Troy lead 31-3 with 11:13 to play in the third quarter and 31-10 going into the fourth. Then, they showed their Sun Belt colors and promptly surrendered 30 points in the fourth quarter. The only thing more amazing than giving up 30 points in the fourth quarter is Jarrett Lee had his SEVENTH interception returned for a touchdown this season. Lee, who was booed and benched in the first half, now has 15 interceptions on the year and same confidence the Chicago Cubs have displayed over the past 100 years. He was one more soul-crushing interception return for a touchdown away from dropping out of school and applying for Ryan Leaf's now-vacant coaching position at that small college in Texas.

Weekend Picks

Made while watching the Jets/Patriots game, but flipping over to the Miami/Virginia Tech game during a break and heard Jesse Palmer refer to a player as a "little warrior." This immediately made me think of David Cutcliffe and his nickname for L.J. Taylor, which, of course, was "Little Warrior." Then I had a few minutes where I remembered how much I don't like David Cutcliffe because he played crappy players like L.J. Taylor merely because they were upperclassmen....

Last week: 4-2
Season: 52-13

Georgia at Auburn
At first, this game was not a priority to watch for me because of two things: One, it's the JP/LF/Raycom game. I'm not against watching JP games, but I don't know anyone who wakes up Saturday and can't wait for Dave, Dave and Dave to come on the air (unless it's your team playing). Looking forward to a Dave Cubed game where your team is not involved is like looking forward to a doctor putting on a rubber glove and telling you to bend over and cough. Like a prostate exam, this game is healthy for your college football knowledge, but you don't want it.

And two, watching Georgia hang 35+ on another below average team has zero appeal to me. However, tonight before the Thursday night game Reece Davis mentioned that Auburn players were still upset over the way Georgia's players danced the entire game last year to that Soulja Boy song. Now there's some intrigue. So Auburn is ticked off because of dancing and not that they were destroyed 45-20. That makes sense. I don't know how Auburn plans on getting their revenge because it won't be winning the game, but I hope it involves some dance fighting. Maybe even some breakdance fighting. That would be pretty awesome.

Oh, I forgot, this game is still not a priority to watch.

Former Directional School at Ole Miss
Barring any nuclear bomb-like implosion, Ole Miss will be headed to its first bowl since the Cotton Bowl in the 2003/2004 season. It would be a perfect ending to the season to beat LSU and State to most likely go back to the Cotton Bowl, but it doesn't really matter to me. I'd be thrilled to go back to Shreveport. The only drawback to going to the Cotton or Independence is that we'd most likely play a Big 12 team that throws about 60 times a game (right now it looks like it would be Oklahoma or Missouri, respectively) and we would be obliterated. But that's why they sell beer at bowl games. Am I right? Am I right? Hey-oh!!!

South Carolina at Florida
Spurrier's last trip to The Swamp saw his team bumble its way to a 17-16 loss, which ended on a blocked field goal in the final seconds. But what we learned from that game is that Spurrier is a better coach than Urban Meyer (even though Meyer revolutionized the college game with his desire to have the fastest team in America). I know Florida destroyed South Carolina last year (51-31), but I attribute that to Tim Tebow's insane overall performance last season and a heavily injured South Carolina defense. Well, those reasons and Blake Mitchell.

While Tebow is starting to play like he was last year (I'm not saying he stinks this year because he's playing really well, it's just that he's more human this year), the South Carolina defense is playing about eleventy million times better than it was last year, mainly because they've avoided the injuries they had last season. I don't think we're going to see Florida continuing their impression of Denzel Washington in Man on Fire after he declares he's going to kill anyone who had anything to do with the girl's kidnapping, but I do see them winning a close game.

I don't think the two-headed monster of Garcia and Smelley can score enough points to win the game. They're too mistake-prone and even when the South Carolina offense is clicking, or at least not screwing up, they aren't exactly lighting up the scoreboard. Their highest point total of the season has been 34, which they hit against NC State and Arkansas. Expect to see plenty of sarcastic smirks and headset rip-offs from Spurrier when GarciMelley fails to convert on another third down.

Mississippi State at Alabama
Sylvester Croom owes a chunk of his coaching success, albeit limited, to John Parker Wilson. It was Wilson who melted down in the past two meetings between these schools and gave State a pair of games even Sylvester Croom couldn't screw up. It's been so bad that Alabama last scored a touchdown against State in 2004, but amazingly Alabama is only 1-2 during that time. Credit the Sly Croom offense for that one win.

I expect to see another ugly, gross game in which John Parker Wilson stinks it up, but the Alabama defense gives the offense plenty of short fields to work with, so all that really has to be done is run the ball to get into field goal range. However, I think Alabama finally ends their touchdown problem against State and wins a game that, if not for the time of day, you would assume was a JP game.

Vanderbilt at Kentucky
That massive gagging sound coming out of Nashville is not the city still dry heaving after last night's "Country Music" Awards, but the Vanderbilt team choking away a 5-0 start. Seriously, this collapse has to be one of the all-time greats. The Dores are one game away from being bowl eligible with seven to play and they aren't going to make a bowl. If this were anyone but Vanderbilt, the national media would be going crazy over this story. The sports world is still getting stories out of the Yankees collapse in 2004 against the Red Sox, so can you imagine what would have happened if the Yankees lost a 5-0 lead in an 11 game series? Buster Olney and all the other Baseball Tonight dorks' heads would have exploded.

All Vanderbilt has had to do since their October 4th win over Auburn was win one freaking game. Sure they weren't going to beat Florida or Georgia, but Mississippi State and Duke? Embarrassing. Kentucky sends Vanderbilt away praying they can find a way to beat Tennessee, and showing that Bobby Johnson isn't the "good" coach that everyone claims he is. This would be two years in-a-row his team has choked away a chance at a bowl game and I'm willing to bet he catches no flak for it. He had his shot against State and Duke (and will against Tennessee) and watched as his team dropped stinkbombs against teams not any better than they were. If he's going to be praised for some of his wins, he needs to be criticized for games he lost that he probably shouldn't have.

Troy at LSU
I just want Jordan Jefferson to stink so Jarrett Lee has to play next week against Ole Miss.

From the Weekend That Was

Georgia 42, Kentucky 38
Georgia nearly hung half a hundred on the Wildcats and had Mohamed Massaquoi not fumbled twice in the fourth quarter, they probably would have. While the Georgia offense continues to destroy everything it faces (minus F5 tornado Florida), the defense has the stopping power of Israel against the Babylonians and Romans. There's no way a Randall Cobb-led team should score 38 points on a defense, unless that defense belongs to a Norfolk State. Especially after the previous week when same offense lit up the scoreboard in Starkville for 14 points.

More than likely, Georgia will end the season in 70 degree weather in Florida and they'll be happy (as they should be to some degree), but what would it take to finally get Georgia fans fed up with these 9-3 seasons where they beat who they should and lose every big game they play? I know getting upset with a 9-3 season sounds ridiculous, but when you're the only big school in a state with lots of high school talent from which you have your pick, at some point you need to break through. I know they played in the Sugar Bowl last year (and deservedly so), but they were matched up with a crappy Hawaii team and destroyed them as they should have. I'm not so sure they wouldn't have folded like a wet sack against a more equal opponent, like when they lost to West Virginia and single-handedly gave the national media the right to claim the Big East is a real conference. And now, because of that, Pittsburgh or Cincinnati have a shot at going to a BCS game this year. Seriously.

I think it's going to take 35,000 Georgia fans freezing to death at a 24 degree outing in the Music City Bowl before national championship appearances become the demand of every Georgia fan.

South Carolina 34, Arkansas 21
Steve Spurrier tapped his inner Steve Spurrier and brought back the rotating quarterback system, which we've all dearly missed. Smelley hands off for a two yards gain, Garcia comes in to run the next play, only to have Smelley return on the play after that. On the surface, there appears to be no method to the madness, but somewhere deep in the recesses of Steve Spurrier's brain it makes perfect sense. We mere mortals will never be able to understand, but to Spurrier that bare spot in his backyard and the black Honda Civic around eleven o'clock with grapes and oranges combined with the record player couch table and hummingbird television paper gives him all the reasons in the world to rotate quarterbacks.

Wyoming 13, Tennessee 7
You know what I like about hockey? A guy cheap shots one of your teammates and it takes all of .6 seconds for someone on your team to start fighting that guy.


Oh, and Wyoming should play more games in SEC country. 2-0 since 2005.

Auburn 37, Tennessee-Martin 20
*crickets*

Alabama 27, LSU 21
John Parker Wilson didn't have to win this game when Jarrett Lee did everything he could to lose it. While Lee was a little worse than awful, and it was obvious he was from the start, he was called on to throw the ball 34 times even though LSU was having great success running the ball. That well thought-out formula lead to four interceptions, including the killer one in overtime. And in the bigger picture, he moved into a tie with Casey Dick, who threw three of his own, for the overall lead in the SEC interceptions race. Amazingly, six of Lee's interceptions have been run back for touchdowns, which most certainly gives him the edge in the tiebreaker.

With this win, we'll see Alabama and Florida in Atlanta in December. Then John Parker Wilson, then the bell will toll for thee. Well, that is unless, no, I can't say it. Well, remember Starkville last year? Oh, and Auburn? But surely not. I mean that would be silly.

Florida 42, Vanderbilt 14
I look forward to seeing the pennant/banner in the University Avenue Abner's celebrating Florida's national championship with the score to the Ole Miss game marked. And, of course, it will hang next to the pennant/banner created for the '77 Notre Dame team.

Weekend Picks

Made while watching Brady Quinn throw the ball to everyone but Braylon Edwards, who happens to be on my fantasy team...

Last week: 6-1
Season: 48-11

Georgia at Kentucky
Nothing helps cure a thrashing at the hands of your biggest rival in the SEC like a giant helping of Kentucky Wildcats. While the Kentucky defense has been respectable (minus the Florida disaster), the offense has the firepower of the Polish Army circa 1939. And I fully expect Mark Richt and Georgia to treat the Wildcats much like Germany treated Poland.

Georgia is at least playing to spend the first few days of January in warm, sunny Florida and not freezing their tails off in Nashville or Dallas. Kentucky is all but booked for Nashville so they'll be playing not to have half a hundred dropped on them, which is a real possibility. Nothing says we're not as bad as you think like a 50 point win over Kentucky.

Arkansas at South Carolina
Welcome to the least intense conference battle in the history of sports. The schools are a little over 900 miles apart, have no memorable history, and didn't know one another existed until they both joined the SEC in 1992. Amazingly, after their win over Tulsa, Arkansas is only two wins away from being bowl eligible. With South Carolina, Mississippi State, and LSU left on the schedule, their best chance for two wins comes this week and next week against State. In order to get those two wins, they'll need Casey Dick to play like whoever this person is that he's become (667 passing yards, 3 TDs, 2 INTs in the last two games). I don't think he can keep it up, but I also thought Tulsa would score 50 points on Arkansas. So what do I know.

South Carolina is threatening to fulfill my prophecy of finishing third in the SEC East and should move closer to that destiny this weekend. They've won five of their last six and are really playing well on defense. Spurrier, of course, is still upset his offense is not lighting up the scoreboard, but someone should remind him he's playing with a quarterback known more for his moronic behavior than his ability to throw a catchable forward pass. Let's work on cutting down the community service hours, then we can focus on dissecting the 2-3 roll-up zone. Baby steps Steve, baby steps.

Wyoming at Tennessee
The last time Wyoming ventured into SEC country they smacked around Ed Orgeron's hapless Ole Miss team. And yes, smacked and hapless are the correct words there. It was, without a doubt, the worst college football game I've ever attended. I don't see the Cowboys repeating their success this weekend, but it has more to do with how bad they are and not Tennessee. Not that the Wyoming team of '05 was the New York Giants, but that Ole Miss team was awful and it was piloted by the Shrimp Boat Captain, which automatically makes any team 60% worse than they actually are.

Tennessee-Martin at Auburn
Be careful, the Skyhawks are 7-2 overall and 5-1 in the Ohio Valley Conference. The sad thing about that sentence is that I'm not sure if I'm joking or not. This game will have a fun rating of -53 (however you rate fun). Auburn comes within a game of being bowl eligible.

Alabama at LSU
Nick Saban! Baton Rouge! Revenge! Hate! Booze! Drunken Revelry! Fights! Anger! Shirtless Fat Guys! A Little More Booze! Armageddon! It's Alabama and LSU, next on CBS!

If you take out "Nick Saban" and possibly "Armageddon," this is pretty much just another LSU home game. LSU has won the last five meetings, but in those previous five meetings the Tigers have had much better defenses. This LSU defense is clearly not very good against competent offenses. However, the good news for LSU is that Alabama's offense is not exactly Florida or Georgia's offense. I look for LSU to load up against the run and dare John Parker Wilson to have the game of his career. And I don't think he can beat them.

I know LSU got torched by Florida and Georgia, but both of those teams have quarterbacks about ten levels above John Parker Wilson. It's like the old AFC East when the Patriots were trotting out Tom Brady and the Colts had Peyton Manning under center, while the Jets hitched their wagon Chad Pennington's star. Wilson is a decent college quarterback, but he's not in the same sentence as those other guys. I think this will be the one game of the season he'll have to have his top game in order for Alabama to win. LSU's defensive line and linebackers are good enough to shut down the running game, so it will most likely be John Parker Wilson versus the LSU secondary.

If Jarrett Lee takes a break from running the turnover machine, LSU has a really good chance to win this one. And if John Parker Wilson plays like John Parker Wilson, LSU has a good chance to win. In a close one, I'm taking LSU.

Florida at Vanderbilt
Just a little over a month ago, Vanderbilt was undefeated and hosting GameDay. Now they've lost three straight and are streaking to another season without a bowl appearance. And, even better, they're about to be the next victim of Florida's buzzsaw. Ladies and gentlemen, the Bobby Johnson era!

From the Weekend That Was

An extremely abbreviated version.....

Ole Miss 17, Auburn 7
Kodi Burns, the Ole Miss MVP, threw 3 picks against one of the league's worst secondaries. He also threw for 319 yards, mainly because the Ole Miss defense didn't let Auburn get any form of a running game going. Finally, Ole Miss wins a game it should have won. It was miserable to watch, but they got it done. Oh, and yes, it was especially nice to drive one of the final nails in the coffin of the coach who screwed us over 10 years ago.

Arkansas 30, Tulsa 23
What has three letters and absolutely nothing to do with Conference USA?
BCS.

Kentucky 14, Mississippi State 13
Reading the recap of this game was probably as rich and compelling as actually watching the game. Just think State fans, if Michael Henig hadn't broken his arm last year, you'd be three games away from being done with the Sylvester Croom era.

Alabama 35, Arkansas State 0
John Parker Wilson's actual line: 15 of 28, 152 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT. The only thing I got right was the interceptions. Alas.

Florida 49, Georgia 10
As much as I don't like Urban Meyer, I found watching him trying to score an f-you touchdown on Mark Richt to be highly entertaining. And Urban, send the thank you note and flowers to the following address:

The University of Mississippi Football Office
c/o Houston Nutt
1810 Manning Way
Oxford, MS 38677

South Carolina 27, Tennessee 6
After Spurrier banished Phil Fulmer to the underworld for good, David Cutcliffe announced he was not interested in the Tennessee job. If you're scoring at home, that's two consecutive SEC job openings in which David Cutcliffe has said he had no interest when the respective schools, Alabama and Tennessee, had no interest in him. He should send out a blanket press release saying he is not interested in Kansas State, Toledo, Washington and whatever other jobs are open, including NFL jobs that will be open at the end of this year.

LSU 35, Tulane 10
Big win for LSU since they really need this one for recruiting rights in their st.....what's that? Oh, right. They are the only school in their state. Nevermind.

Weekend picks coming tomorrow night.